Your animal jokes

Last night at around 10:30pm I got bored and asked people on the interwebs to suggest an animal for me to write a joke about. I stayed up to 3am writing jokes about ALL the animals given to me. This is why I can’t maintain relationships.

I learned a lot about animals though so perhaps there is some academic integrity embedded in this pursuit of silliness. The quality of the gags is dubious but this was more an exercise in virtual interaction and creative task completion.

Let me know which are your favourites.


Cats are unable to see right under their nose. That’s why they are rubbish at solving crimes.


According to farmers, pigs are actually clean animals. It’s the mud they roll in that’s dirty.


The name ‘platypus’ is actually taken from the Ancient Greek word meaning “what the fuck is that!?”


In the early 1940s, American society was still racially segregated. Hence, pandas had no idea where to sit on the bus.


A chinchilla is a furry mammal that can be found in South America and the hood of my favourite jacket.

A fluffy bunny with a pink nose

A fluffy bunny naturally has a blue nose that only goes pink when a pregnant woman pees on it.

One Eyed Trouser Snake

The term ‘One Eyed Trouser Snake’ is just a silly name for what is medically known as the ‘Cyclops Pants Serpent’.


Foxes are known to stalk their prey. That’s why many of them are now on Facebook.


Hawks are said to have incredible vision and ridiculously expensive optometrist bills.


Man is the only animal that stays up to 3am writing jokes about other animals and wondering what the hell he is doing with his life.


A spoodle is a type of dog that is bred by crossing a spoon with a ladle.


A newborn quoll is the size of a grain of rice. A female quoll can often give birth to a whole risotto.


Why was the camel late for work? He forgot to set his allama.


A group of tapirs is called a ‘candle’. Though girls are not impressed with the ones I have burning in my room.


When penguins learn about climate change, scientists say they will dress more casually.


A sasquach is a fictional creature invented by unicorns to scare hobbits.


Hellbenders’ bodies are covered in mucus that is thought to protect them from abrasions, predators and successful singing careers.


Emperor Tamarins are a monkey species known for their long flowing moustache, which they grew before it was cool.

The hairless mexican dog.

The hairless mexican dog protects its exposed skin by wearing a giant sombrero.


The Narwhal is a type of whale that has two teeth. It’s otherwise known as the Collingwood supporter of the sea.

Ted Baillieu the political animal.

Ted Ballieu is a Victorian animal characterised by its long nose and poor vision.

(Also on Tumblr)


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